What Fruit is in Your Muck?
This particular change of seasons - from summer toward autumn - can bring a palpable sense of being untethered. For me, a bit of restlessness, resistance to what is happening or what I’m feeling weaves its way through my moments. It’s uncomfortable and feels mucky.
I feel it in my body - energy is trapped and manifesting in the tightness of my jaw or the knots in my stomach. A lot of “should” and “need-to” or “should have” echo through my mind. A sort of self-shaming for feeling resistant to the changes upon me or shaming for the needs I have in this moment - especially if the need has anything to do with slowing down and resting.
Can you relate?
I was reminded of the commonality of these feelings when I joined a call with my coaching colleagues. It’s not just me. And it’s not just you. You are not flawed just because you’re feeling flawed. Or like a hot mess. Or like your capacity isn’t what your friend’s capacity is.
We all feel these feelings. Even more so if you are highly sensitive. Whether you’re a seasoned CEO, starting college, or a stay-at-home parent - we all have periods of feeling this discomfort. A gentle reminder to forgive yourself for being in the struggle. You’re not less worthy of rest or love because it’s hard. I’m reminding myself too.
I’m realizing that sometimes we need to be in discomfort to get to the next thing that will expand us. Be gentle and loving with yourself. If you feel tender - honor that feeling. (This calls for a moment of discernment too because not all uncomfortable things are the right things.)
What is your discomfort trying to tell you? What does it desire? To rest? To start looking for a different employer? To re-evaluate your needs or boundaries in your relationship? To do the self-care you know is necessary so you feel energized once again?
What helps me during the mucky times:
I have found some powerful ways to support myself as I wade through my muck. None of it is perfect and I often need a lot of loving reminders from those around me to engage in those ways. (First, though - that takes a bit of vulnerability and honesty.)
Write it down. Let it all out on the page. Let your discomfort rage and tell you what it’s afraid of and what it needs.
Get in touch with someone who loves you - who supports you. Prioritize this connection and be honest that you’re having a tough time. It’s okay to tell them what you need. An ear to listen, a reflection, a laugh, words of comfort or just loving presence.
Move your body in a way that feels good. You’re allowed to feel good!
Breathe. Really. I resist doing this simple thing so I know it’s not always easy. It sounds so easy. Even in this very moment, close your eyes and take 3 deep breaths in - notice your lungs expanding with air - focus on your exhale all the way to the end. Nothing more.
For me, I know I want to find a way to move this energy through my body - so movement will be part of my focus because that’s what works for me. (P.S. I welcomed a reminder of this from a trusted mentor who knows me well).
I’m also leaning into connecting. My call with my group reinforced the fact that I’m not alone in my feelings and that connecting to those who support me and see me helps ease the grip of resistance. I’m able to notice what my inner wisdom has to offer. Even if it’s just for a moment, it’s a moment of relief and knowing that this time will pass and something will grow from it, if I’m willing to pay attention and listen - and rest.
By the way, consistent meetings with a few supportive sensitive women has been one of the most nourishing things I’ve made room for in my life. This is one of the fruits in my muck.
What are the ways you wade through the mucky discomfort of change or transition? I’d love to hear from you, and I know others would too.
If you’re feeling stuck and unsure even around this very thing - I encourage you to reach out to someone in your support system.
You aren’t alone.
You aren’t flawed.
You are a beautiful human living in your humanness.
Much love to you.
If you desire connection to a small community of other highly sensitive moms - I am starting a monthly peer group.
Check it out and let me know if you’d like more information.
If you are curious if coaching could help with shifting into and through the discomfort- it can!
And if you’re really curious about 1:1 coaching with me - please schedule an introductory appointment. I’d love to connect and see if working together makes sense.
I want to acknowledge that my experience is coming from a place of privilege. I am white, cis-gendered and able bodied. All of my essential needs are met. I have access to healthcare, a safe place to live and a loving and supportive family and circle around me.
